MAKING THE BAND 4 S3 Ep. 1: The B*tch Is Back!

F-CK DIDDY. CRYS BREEZY IS BACK WITH THE RE-CAPS, Y'ALL! And you know I had to start with our fave show to hate... MAKING THE BAND!

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Let’s see if I still remember how to do this, son. ::cracks knuckles::

A lil’ rusty, being as though I haven’t done this in almost 6 months. By episode 3, I suspect the venom will be oozing out of my pores.

Ahh!! Yet, ANOTHER Season of MAKING THE BAND!! Are we completely ecstatic about this?! ::crickets::

Before I go into this, let me just ask y’all... what do you think about the intro?

Yeah, I know. MAAAD EXTRA.

Diddy: "WE MAKE BANDS HERE!" (WHY HE DIDN’T MENTION HIS BIGGEST EMBARRASSMENT DA BAND?!)

But we get the gist: all THREE of these corny-a*s-acts-we-love are going on the road. GREAT! But omg, Soulja Boy is going on tour too, I can't afford both, which one shall I ever attend?!?!?!?!  

It’s great to see that some of the things that we fondly (PLEASE NOTE THE SARCASM) associate with this show are still there.. Aubrey still looks like the spokeswoman for Valtrex (I mean, really, did you see the fake hug Donnie gave her? That hug was drenched with "I ain’t tryna hug you, I can still feel the injections from the clinic!") Speaking of which, Donnie still can’t find his groove (SEPTEMBER 2^nd RELEASE? WE ARE REALLY IN A MUSIC RECESSION I GUESS).

And Diddy STILL hasn’t found the right ADD drug (hence, the random "Diddy Fit Club" infomercial...anyway)

But just as some things stayed the same, some things switched up a bit, like ya girl D. Woods finally tamed that beast growing out of her scalp.

AND SPEAKING OF BEASTS... somethings came full circle. GUESS WHO GOT PULLED BACK RIGHT BEFORE THEY JUMPED OFF THE "MY CAREER FAILED, I MIGHT AS WELL" BRIDGE?!

 

WHO WAS SHOCKED AS SH*T TO SEE LAURIE ANN IN THE REHEARSAL STUDIO? Certainly Day26 was. They looked like they were going to go straight into bitchass mode. And who goes and hugs her first? My favorite bitchass, Brian A. Hahaha. Always the one to show emotion first. To be honest, she didn’t look like she was even aware of her surroundings...

 Laurie: “I don’t know what I’m doing here. Last I remember, I was getting my knocked the f*ck out all the way to the D-Listers table at Cirque Lodge, and here I am, Muffs, ready to work I guess Ohmygod... my psychatrist said when I find myself in these situations I should breathe...why y’all look so gay?”

 Laurie almost seems calm, like the Ativan prescription she’s on is, like, REALLY WORKING. And she seems like she’s ready to mend all of the egos she crushed and be a different kind of choreographer this time around – and even slow down the “Boom Boom Kats”. She even just offers a “they should’ve just pulled you guys from the tour... why don’t we get to work?” when she learns the reason behind Q’s absence is due to a tonsillectomy. (Well, even toned for her... but if you watch the video, you will notice a slight eye twitch at 10:43, I’M TELLING YOU). But the dudes are still shook.

This studio is The Shining, and Day26 ain’t tryna head towards the light, Laurie Carol Ann.

SIDEBAR: Brian, please, baby, fix those eyebrows. I’m tired of you looking like you’re always on the verge of a giggle fit and Laurie’s gonna stab you with the tweezers you did that to yourself with in any minute. I’m going to have to retire your status as my Boo Piece until you do so. Thank you.

The Danity Lames are also amazed at The Notorious L.A.G.’s (THIS IS THE EP's OFFICIAL TITLE AND I AM SOOO MAD AT THAT) return. But it’s a different type of surprise... No, this is the kind of surprise you get when you attend your high school reunion and you’re established (well, in DK’s case, SUPERSTARS with the tween set but STILL BROKE), you got the great job and the fine ass man on your arm, but seeing the chick that used to beat you up for tampons and cigarettes in the girls’ room during lunch comes over and gives you a hug, making your stomach leap into your chest kind of surprise. Look at Shannon’s stiff expression from 19:55-20:00 for further evidence... you can almost SEE her reliving the anguish in her mind... Breezy knows, chile, Breezy knows!

Now let me ask you guys this: were you really surprised that Q came back? Those of who you were, really need a reality check. You think the rest of Day26 was gonna go through Hell Kitty Reign and let him get off unscathed? Oh hell, naw. Sheeeeit, Q was probably at home stuffing himself with ice cream, getting that hometown groupie love (not thinking about Dawn’s a-s) while receiving frantic texts from Robert and Brian for him to get on a plane, NOW. They ain’t about to suffer because she chose to take a mini-vacay, tonsils or no tonsils.But I’m glad he DID show up because although she was slowly creeping back all episode long, Q’s appearance reverted her back into her true, unearthly, PMS Space Kitty Kat form we know and love.

Laurie [to Q]: “Spit out that gum! Oh, I forgot you’re sick, you get a sick pass... how long does that last?

AAAAHH MY GIRL IS IN FULL EFFECT NOW DEN MAMA AIN’T GOT SH-T ON YOU, SIS!

Of course, they save the piece-de-resistance until the end of the ep... the Diddy and Laurie Ann showdown. And I’m sorry folks, I have to say, it was soapy, mushy and... obviously scripted. It almost passed for natural when they were arguing over whether Diddy was right for going upside her head and she was being a little meek about it (I could even take her quiet tone seriously... I mean shyt... that single of hers didn’t even chart, and I KNOW the checks from Honey stopped rolling in...wouldn’t you be trying to carefully calculate your next move if you were facing your last shot at any kind of stardom and paper?) until he came up with some real, random shyt:

 Diddy: “Did you miss me? Did you miss me? ...... Well, we missed you.”

(REAL TRANSLATION: “You better say you missed me in front of these cameras, playgirl. Don’t make me have to put my foot BACK in that a-s.”)

Cue the spastic waterworks. CORNY and weak. And I was done right here. Yawn. At this point, was I the only one groaning (in my best Mike Biv voice): Laurie Ann You s’posed to be a sista Wait... I like the way he does it better:

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Bottom line: Laurie can’t survive without Diddy. I mean, like she said, Diddy didn’t MAKE her hot, but... “Addictive” ain’t exactly crashing the iTunes server. And in terms of MTB, she’s about 75% the reason we SHOULD watch the show (it damn sure ain’t the Dawn and Q love drama). I say, Laurie, just play your role (don’t talk back to the bossman, and take out your inner anger on those weaker than you i.e. Day26 and you’ll keep getting that check.)

So are y’all ready for all the f*ckery to come this season? I am I want to see who Aubrey will infect with the herp next, if Robert and Brian are finally gonna make out, if Willie will actually display a sign of some intelligence... if Dawn wises up and leaves that young boy alone...if Aundrea gets a life... oh yeah, this show is about music, right? Almost forgot there for a sec. ::rolls eyes:: And yes, before I get any rude comments, I’ve been keeping up with the NEW spoofs (of course, ‘cuz The Uncomf’tables are my dudes ) In fact, I think y’all should check this out because I think it’s a pretty big effin’ deal:

What are you most excited for this season? Hit me back either here or at breezylovesyababy@gmail.com

Comments

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